Some Background

"The motivations for self-harm vary and may be used to fulfill a number of different functions. These functions include self-harm being used as a coping mechanism which provides temporary relief of intense feelings such as anxiety, depression, stress, emotional numbness and a sense of failure or self-loathing."


"Self-harm is often associated with a history of trauma and abuse including emotional abuse, sexual abuse, drug dependence, eating disorders, or mental traits such as low self-esteem or perfectionism."


"Self-harm is most common in adolescence and young adulthood, usually first appearing between the ages of 14 and 24. However, self-harm can occur at any age, including in the elderly population."


"Self harm is not limited to humans. Captive non-human animals are also known to participate in self-mutilation, such as captive birds and monkeys."


"Although suicide is not the intention of self-harm, the relationship between self-harm and suicide is complex, as self-harming behavior may be potentially life-threatening. There is also an increased risk of suicide in individuals who self-harm to the extent that self-harm is found in 40–60% of suicides. However, generalizing self-harmers to be suicidal is, in the majority of cases, inaccurate."


All this information can be found in the first three paragraphs of the Wikipedia article on Self-Harm.


Elizabeth, my character, has been pressuring herself to do well ever since she can remember. She's a perfectionist. And now she finds herself stuck in a horrible job, wasting her education, and rather alone from neglecting her social skills in order to keep up her achievement. She's a perfectionist who just got slapped in the face with the fact that she can never be "perfect" living like this. She's had nervous habits since she began pressuring herself, mostly tending toward pulling tangles from her hair, picking at scabs, biting her fingers, and squeezing the occasion stubborn pimple until it pops. When the realization of her complete non-perfection hits her, Elizabeth feels numb. She's surreally calm for someone whose self-worth has just been invalidated. The only thing that snaps her back to at least pretending to be cheerful around others is self-harm. Gathering her first aid materials and blade of choice, she's already trance-like. She can't feel the cuts in her skin until she sees the blood well up. Then she meticulously cleans and bandages them. She is cutting for relief, but the thought of suicide has never entered her mind. Death isn't perfect, and it's like giving up or admitting defeat. Death is cowardly; it's leaving others to clean up the mess.