I feel depressed

This may or may not be a good thing for writing about Elizabeth. On the one hand, maybe it puts me more in her head to have low self-worth right now. On the other hand, the last time I tried to work on a screenplay while depressed, it sucked.

I think my primary reason for feeling depressed is that I am still trying to nurse a broken heart back to health, and I have been for the past eight months. Sometimes I get it wrapped up tight in a cast and it feels alright for a few days, maybe a week; but then all it takes is one tiny thing to make me crumble, like feeling lonely because my friends are too busy with production classes and starting their senior production projects. Sometimes it's that boy who makes me crumble, because I do occasionally talk to him in an effort to say I want to try to be friends, even if it takes a while to be able to do so properly again. Advice: never date a friend unless you can be sure that you really both feel the same and you truly believe you will both continue to feel the same. The stupid boy only had a crush on me and I fell for him completely.

It would be all too easy right now to decide to change Elizabeth's story. Instead of asking her boyfriend/solution for space to fix herself, I could let my pessimistic attitude about love rewrite the entire second half of my story. Let's say, he dumps her because he can see she's faking being better, and that just makes her worse. Now she's got even more reasons to feel pointless and worthless, so maybe instead of finding her way to stop cutting, she cuts more because she hurts more. But if I let my pessimism rewrite the story, will it still be possible to heal her by the end? Will I end up writing that she was taken away for in-patient psychotherapy? Will I end up writing a suicide scene?

I feel like I need to find a way to heal Elizabeth by the end, no matter what I write her through in the middle, because I'm the kernel that I twisted and exaggerated and spun out into the concept of her. I like happy endings because they make me believe that they can happen in real life if I can just last long enough.